It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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