I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize