how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
