Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Randomize
