I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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