i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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