Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
