May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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