Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize