Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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