ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
