I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
