i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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