You made me cry and you don't even care
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
