did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
