I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
