Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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