I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
