Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
