Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Fuck appropriateness.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
