Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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