Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
