this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
