this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
