I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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