Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
