I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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