Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
