So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
