At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
