Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
