So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
