dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
