1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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