you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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