Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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