we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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