I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
