I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
