i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
