i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
