how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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