Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
