Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
