The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
