Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
