just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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