Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
