well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
