when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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