All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize