Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
