When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
