Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
