I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize