Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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