the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
