3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize