His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
