So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
