Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
