I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
