Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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