Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
