i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize