isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
