One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
