I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
