A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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