If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
