What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
