I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
