you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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