I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
