Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I need moral support for this bender
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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