We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
