hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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