So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
