i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
